Mistrust

Creeping in again, that mistrusting cold

That breaks through the possessive heat

And the two forces battle

In my stomach, unsteadying my hands

And my head floats above itself

Gazing down confusedly on the whole,

Shimmering lot.

I am not the fearful type,diving head first

Often into the sort of

Situation that people purposefully avoid,

But the normal sort of things

That others do without a thought --

Like breathing steadily, or

Picking up a phone, going

Out the door when work has nothing to do with it,

Or sleeping --

Shake me from my core.

What keeps me here outside the fishbowl,

Or in it depending on the day,

Either way peering through the warbled glass

Inward or outward, eyes catching

Glimpses of steady images that, once

Caught, change shortly after,

Most times unrecognizable in their

New form,
Making my brain cells leap
Like a cat when you drop something heavy
On the floor.

How do you trust your mind 

When it will not learn to expect,
Even after all this while,

The constant betrayal of the subject of its focus

As it turns abruptly to something else

Every single time?