Anything

"It's the right thing," they say
But still this voice
There says 
I gave up.
I was too weak.
I won't make it.
It's impossible.

What makes me,
The bringer of bad luck,
The harbinger of closed downness,
The predicter and embracer of what's
Old
And done
And over
Think that now,
With the "strength" to abandon
Yet another venture
I can rise above?

What is the implication
Of "above,"
Really,
In the depth of my in-
Security I wonder if it's really
A defense against total arrogance.

And that's why I say the world is not right
Because I don't fit into it
And that's why I say my efforts are not recognized
Because I don't have what it takes
And that's why I find myself in this endless cycle
Because I've built this defense
Against myself and
Against you and
Against all of you who think
You should give me 
Anything
At all.